Enigmatic

So I am stuck in an office for 1 year 10 months and I have been deployed this weekend against my frickin will.

Yes, I am still unhappy and I can’t get out of it. It still pains me that I am not even good enough to be remembered anywhere. I do not belong anywhere at all.

Save me.

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Yearning

I realize I don’t split up my blog posts anymore, so I decided to change the usual template of how I blog by re-typing the entry title (as well as stop ending off with that toodles shit).

Tonight’s one of those shit nights when I feel really empty and just look back and the past and wish for the fun times. I always thought change was always for the better. Okay I never thought so, but that’s what we’re all supposed to believe in right?

Then why am I sitting here thinking back at the old times and wonder in dismay as to why do I feel worse than ever? Back last year when I had my really bad depression, everyone said it was bound to get better. I felt so too, but I realized. It never got better, I just got used to the sadness. I see people genuinely happy, so sincere about their optimism and all these postitive outlooks of life and shit. I do not know when was the last time I was truly happy. The deep inner joy which can’t be obtained by that few seconds of laughter because of a humourous subject shared amongst my friends. What is happiness?

Maybe it was 2 consecutive nights with Davelle that made me think about the past and all. About how things won’t be the same again. All we can do is yearn for it again, to crave their existence and bathe in its nostalgia.

Yeah, yearning. That’s all I can do now.

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The End Of It All

The End Of It All

So I have succesfully passed out and passed by shooting. I have to say shooting was fun despite me being not so good at it. I should go for the Safra shooting club thing. Heh.

I will only get my vocatio next tuesday. I really have a bad feeling about it. I really hope to get somewhere very near. Come to think about it, I have never worked (even as a student to a school) anywhere near my house. Oh please let this be the first time.

I have finished recording the tracks for These Mournful Years. Will mix them tonight and stuff. Hopefully Han will be done with the guitar tracks too.

Dinner and ice cream with Davelle tonight. I would say it really has been awhile, but I just met her yesterday with the band and all haha. But the last time I hung out with her? It’s way too long ago to recall.

Toodles.

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New

New

Happy new year guys.  Here’s a picture for your eyes to feast on. Toodles.

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