Existence

Existence

My existence and the word ‘Eternity’ is way more scarier than death to me.

 

We all don’t know what happens after death. Well as a Catholic, I know that we go to heaven or hell. Or do we all go to heaven? Wherever we go, we go there forever.

 

But forgive me for thinking otherwise at times. What if there is no heaven or hell? What if it is just eternal blackness? Nothing but nothingness forever? The fact that I have emotions and memories makes it even scarier. The fact that I have life in me is scary too. To have such a consience. Whatever happened before I was born? Do you remember anything before you were born? Or even in the womb? If you say our souls remain alive when our physical self dies, then where was our soul before our birth? We were entirely made of flesh and blood and perhaps our soul was born then too. But whatever happened before? I remember dreaming. I dreamt weird dreams, after that, my 1st memory was me 3yrs old already. The scary thing was that when I was dreaming, I knew exactly what things were. I knew that I was looking at a waterfall. I knew it was a pond and I fell into it and there were pirahnas ravaging at me before I pulled myself out of the pond. But I had absolutely no knowledge back then. How can a baby mind depict such things with such knowledge and accuracy? There was definitely something before. Just what was I before I was born?

 

And even if there’s a heaven. To go there for an eternity, is something scary too. And I’m not even talking about hell.

 

I guess this is what happens when I don’t go church on weekends for 3 weeks plus. Sigh.

 

Toodles.

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So Where Does This Lead To?

So Where Does This Lead To?

So perhaps a future in music is a no no. Maybe everyone’s right. Just keep it as a hobby. No more than that. But do I want now?

 

I feel the road ahead of me is no longer the path which I was walking on a few years back with my friends, where we would simply follow the well trodden path. Somewhere, somehow I have strayed and I’m now in a field where no one has gone before. I can’t find my way back, and I can’t find my way through. Is this the end? Does the vast ocean before me actually lead me somewhere? Or will it drown me in confusion and depression?

 

I keep running away. I’m afraid I might run away again. Sometimes I feel like I’d rather have no friends. Life seems so pointless.

 

I miss you.

 

As Davelle says in her blog, "The only feeling worse than that of being replaced is feeling betrayed."

 

Someone give me an answer out there.

 

Toodles.

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And Sun Will Fade/When Light Will Dawn

And Sun Will Fade

I’m getting used to work life. Getting to know the people working there and all. You can say this is a new but small chapter in my life, now that I have graduated from SP as well as left the choir. I hope this few months won’t be as bad as my last few months in choir.

 

Morning shift tomorrow then meeting Davelle for dinner and ice cream. I’ve been deployed(haha) to Kaki Bukit on Thursday. Hopefully I will end in time to meet Keat Ling for dinner. >.<

 

"Isn’t it amazing how a person who was once a stranger, suddenly meant the world to you?"

 

 

Toodles.

 

When Light Will Dawn-Funeral

Time to depart and breaking the seal
Pour red wine and the softest of lips
Oh, wish me well and I go

Tower your strength, an ascendance to hell
Cut me deep with your ignorance
and leave me be

I scorn my pityful self
do not cherish my mistakes

Your fury rules
at hand within when light will dawn
and sun will fade
Darker than the darkest night
what burning lust you radiate

Carry me, into the fields
In roses lay,
Souls are now eternal sealed

From my cup, you quenched your thirst,
I’m bathing in misery, you gave your first

 

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