JAPCORE/Temporary

JAPCORE

Wahlao i think Stacie was more insane than me.

Adam and Eve.Literally.

Fwah we’re damn shacked here.

 

Temporary

Holy shit,so many pictures.But still,this fun is only temporary.There’s still alot more worrying stuffs to settle and all.And like i said,problems that won’t just go away like that.

 

Thanks for the night out,girls.Thanks Andrew for the party.I think we all kinda got drunk especially Stacie and I.I think we did stupid things haha,but hush.

 

"If you hold it in, to protect the world, you’ll save everyone. But yourself."

 

 

Toodles.

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Productivity

Productivity

0% progress in school today.All i did was submut gradbook stuffs and play L4D2 with Winson and Xin Xing.

 

0% progress at home so far even though i skipped Sharkman.Alot of msn convos going on.Both fun and important ones.

 

Oh music keep me alive.

 

"And if you can’t say yes, answer anyway. Because I’d rather live with answer than die with the question."

 

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

ok.

random time

i have a stomach!

omg!

i see it!

Adam Wesley Aw[Hybrid Unicorn]————–You speak in riddles and rhymes says:

HUH?

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

YAY

my stomach!

Adam Wesley Aw[Hybrid Unicorn]————–You speak in riddles and rhymes says:

WHAT?

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

not the intestine

but my stomach!

Adam Wesley Aw[Hybrid Unicorn]————–You speak in riddles and rhymes says:

what are you talking about

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

haha random i-have-a-stomach declaration

Adam Wesley Aw[Hybrid Unicorn]————–You speak in riddles and rhymes says:

hahaha

you you see it?

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

yes!

i see it!

my brother called me fat.

Adam Wesley Aw[Hybrid Unicorn]————–You speak in riddles and rhymes says:

that must have made your day

JANG JANG! Hybrid Starfish says:

haha

he even poked it

ok well

he called my stomach fat

not me as a whole

 

Oh Geri~.

 

Toodles.

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Night In Me

Night In Me

Wednesday evening,mass in church.I prayed really hard.Also,it was anothter false hope wait today.Never mind,maybe Friday.

 

Everyone’s looking forward to the end of JC4.I can see why.But i’m a step ahead.I look forward to the end of life.

"If you get between me and the things I love, I will ask you politely to move.

If you get between me and the people I love, you will move."

 

 

Toodles.

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Manica

Manica

While i tend to doze off in the afternoon on most days(fine,make that everyday),this has got to be the 1st time i dozed off TWICE in the same day.

 

Very very slow in my work.Gosh.This is really insane.There’s barely anyone in class today as well.I think it has reached the point where everyone just about wants out already.Was talking with Cheryl on Sunday night and we were agreeing how perhaps less than half the class will even continue archi.I’m not definitely.

 

That finland conversation with beloved sister Mou had subconsiously made me ponder on a lot of stuffs,i won’t say most are pleasant either.Ah,crap.Life can really be painful sometimes.Too much pain.Why am i like this?You can call me immature or that i focus too much on trivial stuffs or whatever i don’t care.What i know is that saying these things does not make the pain go away either.As i was talking to Marianne Chan last night,it’s a problem which will never ever go away.There is no solution to it and it’s a pain i have to live with til i die.And i really don’t know when that will be.

 

"Life must go on. I forget just why"

 

 

Toodles.

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Priority

Priority

It’s been exactly a month since Christmas Day.

 

Short day in school today.Went for mass after that.Was hoping so see someone,but negative results.Ah,perhaps Wednesday then.

 

I saw a Facebook fan page that says,’Don’t make someone a priority if they only make you an option.’ Well i’m sorry but i totally do not agree with this.It’s never about you.It’s about others around you.Friendships are not for personal gain only.Of course you may feel a little unappreciated at times,but that does not make you just an option to the other party.I personally give someone,or maybe some people,a priority and that is because i love the friendship.The act of giving in the friendship itself makes me feel good.I already don’t bother if that person makes me just an option.That person probably does.Who am i to that person anyway,just barging into that person’s life last year.That person definitely has friends that person will yearn to be with or just hang out with.I have already resigned to that.But that does not stop me from giving.It’s not common for me to say this too,but didn’t God make you a priority,no matter how many times you made Him just a small option?

 

Urgh.

 

 

Mou Sister: Actually why do you wanna go Finland?

 

Me: The culture,they way of living.It appeals to me.I want to go there to escape.A new beginning perhaps.That is if i don’t kill myself before that haha.

 

Mou Sister: A whole new world~~

 

Me: Mmmmm,oh well.There are some things i can’t let go off in Singapore though.

 

Mou Sister: Like?

 

Me: A friendship

     :….

     : Roti Prata.

 

Mou Sister: HAHA!

 

 

Toodles.

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2 Weeks, 2 Days/Lethargica

2 Weeks, 2 Days

That’s how long i have left til my final submission.Til then,it has to be work work work non stop.Studio work til 9pm,back home,work til 2-3am.I don’t even have time to deal with myself anymore.All my energy spent on schoolwork and worrying like shit for people.The future really looks bleak for me.Is there any future for me at all?

 

Nicole went to Hong Kong.Hopefully she has fun.

 

I finally appreciate detailing,the different kinds of joints and their effects and all.But doing it is still a frickin chore,what a whore.

 

Have i fallen silent these days?I’m sorry if i appear off,or listless.Not many people get it.It’s difficult to place yourself in my shoes too.So yea,sorry if i don’t talk to you as much.I’m listening to a lot of metal and thrusting all my emotions into it.

 

Oh how happy i was then.There was no sorrow,there was no pain.

 

"Pain is real, and we can’t wish it away, or believe it away. The miracle of faith is that we gain peace despite our pain. We find love, despite the hatred. We find life, despite the death that is all around us."

 

Toodles.

 

Lethargica-Sirenia

Lethargic sleepers they close their eyes
Diverted dreamers unfolding their lives
Sleep now sister enfold your fall
You can’t take the exile anymore
And like all the others, you’re lost tonight

Would you dance entranced in waning fields?
and to falter on through life’s mortality
Would you veil your woebegone eyes?
to conceal these wounds that I consider mine

Wither like in autumn
waning yon the veil
You concede the pain is nonpareil
Wither like in your life
waning like your days
I concede your pain is nonpareil

Lethargic sleeper – devote your life
Diverted dreamer – give in on tonight
Wake now sister for times to come
In a run towards the pantheon
And like all the others, you’re lost in life

Would you swirl your world into a sea?
far beyond the hurt of life’s malignity
Would you cope for the loss in your life?
and to cede the night that sets within your eyes

Cover your eyes to mend the hurt inside
You wither in life like autumn leaves
Infidel divine, you are the reason why I choose this way
to cease my life, you are the treason in us all

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Monday Moan

Monday Moan

Whole day of lectures today.

 

I keep dozing off more often in the afternoon.I feel so lethargic doing nonsense shit.What’s the meaning of life?I can no longer see.

 

"There’s nothing good in goodnight if it means goodbye"

 

Thanks Geri for talking to me the past 2 days.Why is it always you helping me and not me helping you?I feel so bad.

 

Toodles.

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Death Has Lost Its Sting?

Death Has Lost Its Sting?

Just came back from Grandpa’s 78th birthday celebration.I wonder if i will ever live that long.I’m sure his life has been much simpler than mine even though i’m just turning 20 this year if i ever make it til then.

 

I had my phone by me all day long.No call.It’s okay.Wasn’t expecting one.

 

"We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death."

 

 

Toodles.

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And Death To None But Me

And Death To None But Me

I dreamt of death again last night.It wasn’t a pretty dream because it wasn’t me dying.Can i just die out of misery?

 

"It is NEVER ‘normal’ to think of killing yourself. As humans we are essentially programmed to try to live as long as possible and avoid harm when possible."

 

"There is a difference between wondering how it would feel to die or be injured in various ways and actually wanting to be dead. People who are suicidal are DESPERATE to die because living seems like endless agony to them. They actually look to their death as a relief from whatever is dragging them down. Death, to them, seems like the only plausible option to make the pain stop."

 

And what if that is how i feel?What if that’s the only way i see possible to end all of this agony?Because this is how i feel.Death is what i seek.

 

Should that day come,i guess i’ll miss my friends.They won’t miss me,they don’t have to.As long as i miss them and watch over them,that’ll be okay.

 

 

Toodles.

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At A Loss/Amity

At A Loss

Ah,my horrible week is about to end.

 

Church was tiring today,i’m quite surprised to be doing a solo for the upcoming concert.The song was tough,it took the entire practice.It’s the 1st time ever we took a whole night prac just to do one song.But it sounds really nice and i hope all our efforts pay off.

 

I don’t know what to do anymore.I’m so tired and yet i worry over everything.I’m still fighting this masked depression and being invisible again does not help at all.Ah,life is so torturous.Such a burden.

 

Random photo time.

 

Toodles.

 

Amity-The Gathering

The torture won’t part you
Motherly breast won’t warm you
You fail and foam from your mouth
Why is it so loud, this sound?

All the sense your are capable of
does not seem to save you
You heed the glance of a smile
Was it impossible to float for a while?

Restless is carrying fever
burning you to pieces
In search and need of a friend
Will I bow down to this in the end?

I lay in the hands of my maker
and I want to spend the rest of it awake
Why do I get the feeling they’ll brake it
It’s a fight… it’s a fight…

The torture won’t part you
Mothers lap can’t seem to warm you
You strain, you climb up and frown
Why is it so loud, This down?

All the sense you are capable of
does not seem to save you
You heed the glance of a smile
Was it impossible to float for a while?

I lay in the hands of my maker
And I want to spend the rest of it awake
Why do I get the feeling they’ll brake it
It’s a fight… it’s a fight

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